Len Pitre

Thanks to Len Pitre

Ten Signs that you might be a Taliban!

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't
afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat

This is the way you test true Love

This really works...!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

HELLO OPERATOR - Actual call center conversations!

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1200 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I

need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and

telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the

number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am

traveling in Australia?'

Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe)

'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to

change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Directory Enquiries

Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'

Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland '

----------------------------------------------------------------------

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from

a phone box told a worried operator:

'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer: 'OK.'

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this

point?'

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can

you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.

So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time.

I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed

from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say

the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently

suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words

went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared'

Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I

type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where

the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's

plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that

there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just

one? '

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and

find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into

the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean

way over?'

Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's

because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark?'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is

coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not?'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it

licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and

packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it

up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to

the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

OilfieldStuff.com. (hereinafter OFS) make no representations about the suitability of the information contained on this web site for any purpose. This web site and all of the information it contains is provided "as is" without warranty of any kind whether express or implied. In no event shall OFS be liable to any person or business entity for any special, direct, indirect, punitive, incidental or consequential damages arising out of or in connection with the use of this web site or any other web site to which this site is linked, including, without limitation, any lost profits, business interruption, or loss of programs or information. OFS shall not be responsible for any errors or omissions contained in this web site and reserves the right to make changes without notice. User therefore acknowledges and accepts that the information published on this web site may include technical inaccuracies or typographical errors. The hypertext links on this web site will allow you to leave this web site. The links are provided as a service to users and are not sponsored by or affiliated with this web site or under the control of OFS. The links are to be accessed at the user's own risk, and OFS and the authors of this web site make no representation or warranties about the content of these links. OFS is not responsible for the content of any linked site or any link contained in a linked site. OFS is providing these links to you only as a convenience, and the inclusion of any link does not imply endorsement by OFS of the site.